Ok so I dreamt that my baby had woodworm.
This was followed by fitful sleep mumblings with self about 'sending him back' and 'getting a refund' or 'would they send me a new one in time'... ?
This little 'nocturnal-molotov-dream-cocktail' must be a sign of the apprehension I'm feeling about the imminent arrival of our baby (in about a week) and the fact that my dad commented on our brand new table having woodworm holes all over it... and the fact that Maisons du Monde would not fix a mirror that they delivered with a missing hook because I waited 4 days instead of 3 to let them know about it...
After a few nights fitfull sleep I'm not sure which I prefer - the dreams of popping the baby in the microwave to warm him up or dreaming about looking at renovating huge $264 million mansions on lake Geneva which are dilapidated and in desperate need of doing up and turning a profit on A.S.A.P! Both leave me with a light coating of sweat on waking.
Feels like a lot of things have been 'under construction' inside and outside my body over that last year and I guess it's sinking in that they are now culminating and coming together - ready to be lived to the full and that the dust is settling yet there are still so many loose ends left to tie up!
At least the nursery is ready. It's a bit pink for a boy... but I'm counting on the fact that he won't notice that until he's old enough to be playing in other boys more appropriately 'boy-coloured' bedrooms. Failing that I can buy time pretending not to understand him until he can properly enunciate in the queen's very best english 'Yuk mummy what were you thinking when you were decorating my bedroom - change it, change it NOW or forever call me Wendy!
And considering he will be learning at least 2 languages from day 0+, I'm guessing that this will buy me about 4 years before I need to get the painters in and have to deal with the actually living nightmare of having them work their 'magic' on our walls again!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
There is an evil genie in my house!
It's a new year! whoppee!
But then why does my laundry smell like it was washed in 18th Century Thames water?! Every time I put on a load to dry a mouldy smell seeps out, under the buanderie door in the sous-sol and even graces the 1st floor thanks to the laundry shoot which goes straight up from the buanderie up into our bathroom, ensuring every inch of our house smells like an old sponge.
After a number of bothersome events I can only conclude that there is an evil/bored genie roaming freely around the house who was bothered when it's little green house was knocked down and is now intent on testing my patience in the house that took it's place.
The Miele man has been called for the 3rd time to sort the washing machine smell out - last time he told me I shouldn't use softner - as modern machines couldn't handle it and it goes mouldy. I must have spent too long putting up christmas decorations to have a functioning brain and so I nodded vacantly and stopped using softner. But 15 'softner free' washes later my clothes still smelt mouldy and now that the christmas haze has lifted from my brain what he said has actually clicked - I finally feel like I've been hit in the face with a wet smelly sock when I recall his moronic explanation and (more worryingly) my lobotomised reaction to it!!!
I have also called the service des eaux - with a sudden fear that maybe all out water has been badly channeled (thinking back to the flood which has still not been sorted out under the house) and that our drinking water is in fact waste water... and our infant is going to emerge looking like something from Shrek...
I've put on load after load of washing this morning because I want the house to REALLY STINK so as to make my point clear without having to speak too much when they come over this afternoon.
The other thing the genie has gone and done is put a charm on the light switch in the loo on the ground floor. On Christmas eve she put a spell on the switch meaning it could not be turned off, thus ensuring that the statue of buddah (perched in his niche in the back wall) is eternally illuminated.
It feels too wrong to repeatedly bash the light switch with one's fist, making small screeching noises with buddah looking on, so this practice in meditation will have to be exercised until the cheeky spirit or the project manager reappear - (and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the genie materialised first...). We'll just have to make the most of the permanent light being on in that particular loo and being enlightened in all possible ways in the process, hopefully having reached a state of the ultimate zen before being handed the whopping great big electricity bill at the end of the month!
While I'm at it I'm also going to blame the genie for putting my one and only Ralph Lauren woollen dress in a hot wash and shrinking it to the size that may fit our newborn - were it not that he is a boy... though after consideration babies look gender-free for the first few weeks so maybe there is still some mileage in it after all...
Any mantra's to appease evil genies welcome... before I call Ghostbusters!
But then why does my laundry smell like it was washed in 18th Century Thames water?! Every time I put on a load to dry a mouldy smell seeps out, under the buanderie door in the sous-sol and even graces the 1st floor thanks to the laundry shoot which goes straight up from the buanderie up into our bathroom, ensuring every inch of our house smells like an old sponge.
After a number of bothersome events I can only conclude that there is an evil/bored genie roaming freely around the house who was bothered when it's little green house was knocked down and is now intent on testing my patience in the house that took it's place.
The Miele man has been called for the 3rd time to sort the washing machine smell out - last time he told me I shouldn't use softner - as modern machines couldn't handle it and it goes mouldy. I must have spent too long putting up christmas decorations to have a functioning brain and so I nodded vacantly and stopped using softner. But 15 'softner free' washes later my clothes still smelt mouldy and now that the christmas haze has lifted from my brain what he said has actually clicked - I finally feel like I've been hit in the face with a wet smelly sock when I recall his moronic explanation and (more worryingly) my lobotomised reaction to it!!!
I have also called the service des eaux - with a sudden fear that maybe all out water has been badly channeled (thinking back to the flood which has still not been sorted out under the house) and that our drinking water is in fact waste water... and our infant is going to emerge looking like something from Shrek...
I've put on load after load of washing this morning because I want the house to REALLY STINK so as to make my point clear without having to speak too much when they come over this afternoon.
The other thing the genie has gone and done is put a charm on the light switch in the loo on the ground floor. On Christmas eve she put a spell on the switch meaning it could not be turned off, thus ensuring that the statue of buddah (perched in his niche in the back wall) is eternally illuminated.
It feels too wrong to repeatedly bash the light switch with one's fist, making small screeching noises with buddah looking on, so this practice in meditation will have to be exercised until the cheeky spirit or the project manager reappear - (and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the genie materialised first...). We'll just have to make the most of the permanent light being on in that particular loo and being enlightened in all possible ways in the process, hopefully having reached a state of the ultimate zen before being handed the whopping great big electricity bill at the end of the month!
While I'm at it I'm also going to blame the genie for putting my one and only Ralph Lauren woollen dress in a hot wash and shrinking it to the size that may fit our newborn - were it not that he is a boy... though after consideration babies look gender-free for the first few weeks so maybe there is still some mileage in it after all...
Any mantra's to appease evil genies welcome... before I call Ghostbusters!
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